The Story of Brandi

I lost it last night. I realized that Brian and I don't have as much money in one of our accounts as I thought. I got so angry because I'm tired of worrying about money. It causes so many other problems. Brian and I have never fought about money - not once. We have had serious financial problems, but we've learned to deal with them. The funny thing is that while I know it's getting better, we're still not where I want us to be. We have extra in our checking account every month, and that never happened even six months ago. We're paying off our debt. Still, I can't wait until the debt's all gone, and we're done with it forever!

So I went to get gas last night because I needed to get out for a few minutes. On the way there, I lost it. I cried and cried. I pulled into the parking lot of a store that had already closed and sat and cried for probably 20 minutes. Then I got gas and came home. I thought I was feeling better, but I started crying again. So I had a drink (yes, a grown-up drink) and sat outside thinking.

I've been jumping from business to business and idea to idea for a while now - well, always, really. I thought I wanted to be a history professor, but I didn't stay in graduate school because I had too much debt. And I became disenchanted with the whole process. So I became a reporter, but I stayed only 7 months. Then I started working from home. It's not that I don't like working from home. I love being here with Jayden and setting my own schedule, but I still don't have any direction. That's my problem. I'm trying to find direction.

Right now, I'm researching event planning. Brian and I were working on an online company, but we just decided to close the virtual doors. We weren't making any money, and we couldn't justify putting in more time.